ACT II
The Devil Celebrates The Lost
I think it’s time
To let this go,
Maybe it’s best
If we let this go.
I made myself the villain
The root of all my troubles
It may have been easier
To paint you as the monster
But even I
As delusional as I am
Could never pretend
That you were something
That you weren’t
That you weren’t
The best thing
To ever happen to me.
Retired
DiCaprio was an objective
Posters on my wall
Quotes from Meisner
I annoyed those around me
With how much I talked about it
I was devoting everything to it
Seeking an end goal
An unclear end goal
But I felt that when I reached it
I would know it
Then I walked onto that set
There you were
And I absolutely knew it.
For the past seven months
I haven’t thought once
About acting.
I think I’ve retired.
Every audition
Countless lines memorised
Last minute self-tapes
Weren’t sharpening my skills
They were simply
Leading me
To you.
Saw him
I was so distant
It’s a miracle
You ever saw me,
I was lightyears away
But still
You saw me,
I tricked myself
Into thinking I was nothing
But still
You saw me,
No one stared back
In the mirror
But still
You saw me,
The camera rolled
Absent in the monitor
But when you bumped into me
I felt the energy
Of every sun
In every universe,
You brought me back
To the land of the living
To the land of the loving
And I saw me
So clearly
All it took was looking through
Your big brown eyes.
Façade
Why did he insist
On forcing a façade?
he could never sit with himself
So how could he expect
Others to bare his presence?
Phone Calls
I don’t like phone calls
Please
Don’t dangle that carrot.
I want to feel the heat off your skin
I want to bask in your gorgeous imperfections
I want to see my eyes in yours
I want to smell your unique pheromones
I want to come close to fainting after your freshly sprayed perfume punches me in the face
I want to hear your voice without it being slaughtered through a satellite.
I hate phone calls
But don’t conflate how I feel
About phone calls
With my feelings for you.
Rain
‘What sound for tonight?’
‘Rain sounds, please.’
When it rains
My mind floods with you.
It’s all well and good
The plants get what they need
But when I hear the rain smack my window
I think of us drifting to sleep.
The rain has always been my companion
And you brought us closer than ever
It lulled us to calm
My drowsy arm
When sleep becomes arduous
The rain sounds from my phone
Remind me of my second home.
If sleeping in the same bed is off the table
I’ll play rain sounds
Every night
I’ll play rain sounds.
Every morning
Every afternoon
Every evening
Every night
I pray for a thunderstorm.
Wood Road
Life became a wood road
When it rains
It rots
When I ran
Mother Nature mistook it
For a dance
And she made it pour
All the time
Torrential downpours
All the time
Thunderstorms.
The wood road rots
Running on the rotten road
Life became a rotten road
And then the rot
Spread to me.
Does It Look Like he’s Laughing?
Does it look like I’m laughing?
Does it look like I’m laughing?
Does it look like I’m laughing?
Does it look like I’m laughing?
Does it look like I’m laughing?
Does it look like I’m laughing?
Does it look like I’m laughing?
Does it look like I’m laughing?
Does it look like I’m laughing?
Does it look like I’m laughing?
Does it look like I’m laughing?
Does it look like I’m laughing?
Does it look like I’m laughing?
Does it look like I’m laughing?
Does it look like I’m laughing?
Does it look like I’m laughing?
Does it look like I’m laughing?
Does it look like I’m laughing?
Does it look like I’m laughing?
Does it look like I’m laughing?
Does it look like I’m laughing?
Does it look like I’m laughing?
Does it look like I’m laughing?
Does it look like I’m laughing?
Does it look like I’m laughing?
Does it look like I’m laughing?
Does it look like I’m laughing?
Does it look like I’m laughing?
Does it look like I’m laughing?
Does it look like I’m laughing?
Does it look like I’m laughing?
Does it look like I’m laughing?
Does it look like I’m laughing?
Does it look like I’m laughing?
Does it look like I’m laughing?
Does it look like I’m laughing?
Does it look like I’m laughing?
Does it look like I’m laughing?
Does it look like I’m laughing?
Does it look like I’m laughing?
Retail
Let’s cover this up
And play pretend
They’ll make you feel bad
Then pose as your friend.
Crack a joke
You feel that you fit
Fake cordiality
As they crack the whip.
Made to feel small
Balanced thoughts make them sick
At their beck and call
I just think
It’s easier to be nice
Than to be a prick.
Phone Call Transcript
How are you?
Good
I had a nice day at work
Cool
Let me know your schedule
Yep
My new camera is awesome
Nice
I am so excited to see you
Same
I did well today
Nice
This party should be fun
Yeah
Your poem was cool
Thanks
Well, goodnight
Night.
I Am him
It took the old man
88 years doing things
To realise the little things
Are the big things.
he wished he knew
A coffee date with his best mate
Was as big as his wedding day.
One afternoon he searched and searched
For the most important thing
he searched old photo albums
he looked at fridge photos
One thing
he did not think to do
Was look right under his nose.
Time ran out for him
To others the lesson seemed unlearned
But his distant son showed to his funeral
And so all the little things had worth.
Owed
I felt that you owed me
Some closure
Instead
You just waited
For this whole thing
To blow over.
When you made that call
The wind picked up
(It gained a second wind, if you will)
And I understood
The closure I chased
Would forever be lost
In your tornado.
In my fantasy
We go out for coffee
And order brunch
With a side of closure.
This Will Just Take A Moment, W****** ** P****
I woke in a pool of our sweat
Innocently enough
Doors locked and bulbs dim
The orange hue from your bedside lamp kept me safe
The furthest point before the day rolls back around
Outside is a foreign plane.
We were off to find the mad man.
Comfortable on your charging station
You decided to alter garments at the perfect time
Just bright enough for us to leave the lights off
Just dark enough for the room to be filled with nostalgic bliss
The weak light drained the chamber of intense colour
In that moment
With your white robes
And your naïve excitement
Time stood still
I remember no words
But a symphony
And even now looking back
Nights void of companionship
I sing your song
To seek refuge in my mind
From the banal present.
We were off to find the mad man.
Nights spent in a house too big for me
A house that I dreamt of
Hallways obnoxiously spacious.
Ethereal beauty radiated
You gave attention to your task
As I twiddled my thumbs
I am insignificant next to you
That is okay with me
Paradoxically
This is when I felt valued.
When it came crashing
Our pact seemed solid
It was concrete
But you took a sledgehammer
And unfortunately for me
You had good form.
We found the mad man.
Brush
I’ll pay my debt
When we inevitably brush shoulders
At a lavish event
Where we sing our peers’ praises
And after half a decade
Become reacquainted
With each other’s faces.
Court
Please take me
To court
Have me cross-examined
Assess the damage
Read my crimes aloud
Paint me as a vile creature
My flaws as my laws
Cut me open
With a rusty machete
Let my liquid essence flow
Hand out grimy cups
And let the jury
Have at it.
Too Good For his Own Good
Do not speak to me
As if I am the same person
I was yesterday
That freak
Deserves no right to speak.
My ability
To fix my moods
Makes me question my feelings
Felt a day ago,
I sobbed hysterically
And tonight
I laughed hysterically
I question if I was ever really
Ruined emotionally.
Tears
These tears fall
For the boy who will forever live inside me
Pushing me beyond self-imposed limits
These tears fall
For the boy who lives within
Who only longs for the love from himself
And another.
Collect my tears cried
For the boy who lives inside
These drops from my eyes
Will pave my path
For the rest of my life.
Speak
As I’ve become worse
At vocalising my insides
The more pages dyed
The more my eyes never dry
My vocal cords have frozen
As I’ve chosen
Feelings you can read
Instead of real ones.
I am more comfortable
Draining my pen of its life
Than opening my mouth
And draining me of my own.
Eden
I burnt down
The Garden of Eden,
It was your lighter
But I soaked the leaves with gasoline
I took your flame
I flicked it
I did it
I burnt down
The Garden of Eden
I wish I could say
It was an accident.
Please God
Show me your infamous mercy
Fret not to hurt me
Burn me
For eternity
I ask not much
I only ask
That you’re just as just
As they say.
The Photo By his Bed
Swimming in your aquarium
My happy place
Where the waters flow
And your love shows
Swimming in your aquarium
On the best and worst days
Swimming with stingrays.
It was my pleasure
To swim in your aquarium
Doing somersaults with you underwater
Even though sometimes I ran out of air
And we needed to share yours.
If you leave the aquarium
Watch me from behind the glass
I’m sorry if I float away
If you wish for me to swim back
Be sure to tap my tank.
Song
You could never be overbearing
I couldn’t care less and you’d never stop caring
You forced me to realise
My love is worth sharing.
Ripped from my comfy shell
Blood stains your skin
I only gave pushback
You only gave love back.
Sick of false contentment
Nice and cosy
I’m so lucky
You saw who I really was
And still chose me.
Mutual
I changed you
Completely unintentionally
And I know this
Because you changed me.
I brush my teeth different
I sleep different
I breathe different
I do it all different.
I didn’t mean
To change you
But I hope it’s okay
Because you changed me.
Time
You gave me time
To get away
From myself.
THE DEVIL CELEBRATES THE LOST
I would have accepted a hug
From anyone
I was overjoyed
When God and His angels
Chose me
Embraced me
I was somewhat confused
When all of their hugs
Charred my clothes
And like a fool
I accepted it
I never questioned it
I was just happy
To be held
Until one especially awful morning
When the usual hugs
Burnt my back to the bone
My agony opened my eyes
To the Devil
Wrapping his arms around me
As his minions cheered
Following after their ruler
Ecstatic to see
That I was hopelessly
Lost.
When God tried to test me
The Devil met me
his patience unmatched
Waiting for me quietly
I lost everything
And the Devil hugged me tightly.
The Devil Celebrates The Lost.
Bogus Horror
We began this affair the day I left. We’ve known of each other for years, but neither one of us ever had the courage to do something about it. That night when the rain fell so light as if it knew the anguish I felt and had no interest in adding to my troubles by frizzing my hair, we met
But more than that
We greeted intensely
A little too intensely for a first meeting.
And here you stand in all your bogus horror.
You don’t exist, but I feel you in every cell, in every breath, in every interaction.
You take.
You’re the grey storm cloud that refuses to let the sunshine perform its life-giving work.
The further I run, the closer you get.
If I stand still, you sniff me out.
I’m tired and I’m done. You trick me into feeling that you’re the solution.
That you’re the answer.
You’re the invisible hand that covers my mouth when I dare gasp for air.
You thought of everything… but you really didn’t, did you?
I don’t know how to cut you out permanently
But you’re no longer invincible
Let me tell you why.
When I think of the people who willingly show me love, you grow smaller.
A laugh with a friend ripped a hole in your chest.
It finally clicked.
You can try take me
But as soon as there are a few of us
Your knees buckle
Your shield disintegrates
Your knife is blunt.
What we have is far from over
For now we walk on different paths
I’ll see you at our next bout
More prepared than ever.
New Era
I walk on nameless streets
Pray on wounded knees
Search for what I know I don’t need
I recognise this place
Yet I am horribly disoriented,
Time to get lost
In a familiar terrain.
This new era
Brings nothing but silent terror.
Moments From his Mangled Head
I never had those moments.
The scenarios I played out in my head
Scratching my brain’s DVD disc
Every night
Never happened
But after some thought
I think I’m okay with it,
Moments I never dreamed of
Even the ordinary ones
Were far more special
Than anything I could’ve concocted.
Nobody tells you
The best moments you’ll have are not the ones you see in romcoms
They’re not the fantasy scenarios you imagine when you begin your lust quest
They’re the moments only the two of you could conjure
They’re the moments
Only the random aspects of your personalities colliding could create.
River
That stupid freezing cold river
You asked me to float down
And I said no
Like an idiot
So many times
I said no.
Today,
I would happily jump into
That stupid freezing cold river
Even at 3am
In the middle of winter
If you would join me.
Today,
I want to float down
All the rivers in the world
Just to feel
What it maybe would have been like
To float down
That stupid freezing cold river
With you.
New York
The elephant was a big boy
He was hungry
So we fed him
But we did not address him.
We kept him
We fed him
We even pet him
But we did not address him.
He sneezed
With that long trunk
So we blessed him
But we did not address him.
We kept
We fed
We pet
We blessed
But he was soon dead
And so were we.
The Big Man Finds It Funny
My biggest fear
Has always been
My love taking the high road
Because of who I am
In my bones
God found this funny
So he took you from me
Before you could leave
Of your own accord
I never knew what Kanye meant
When he said
God has a sense of humour
Until now.
Hell
Welcome
To your very own
Personalised hell.
